Frankly Speaking

Seriously, has Garrison Keillor ever done anything interesting or original? I tried to watch A Prairie Home Companion with my brother and his wife, who happens to be as liberal as they come, and we couldn't do it. Within 15 minutes we were all sound asleep. We never tried again, because, to put it bluntly, it sucks ass.

Last week he wrote that

When an entire major party has excused itself from meaningful debate and a thoughtful U.S. senator like Orrin Hatch no longer finds it important to make sense and an up-and-comer like Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty attacks the president for giving a speech telling schoolchildren to work hard in school and get good grades, one starts to wonder if the country wouldn't be better off without them and if Republicans should be cut out of the health-care system entirely and simply provided with aspirin and hand sanitizer. Thirty-two percent of the population identifies with the GOP, and if we cut off health care to them, we could probably pay off the deficit in short order.

That's right, Republicans don't agree with him, so fuck them. Let them all die in their ramshackle shanty's in the south. They're all mouth-breathers anyway, not good for anything.

Apparently he got a little bit of a backlash from that column (Who woulda thunk it?), so this week he apologized

OK, it was wrong of me to say last week that we should deny healthcare to Republicans except for aspirin and hand sanitizer, and thank you to the many readers who kindly took me to task. It was so wrong. And I withdraw the idea that death panels should circulate through red states searching for the obese and slow afoot, the wheezy and limpy, spray-painting orange stripes on their ankles, marking them for future harvest. That was very, very bad.

Republicans have the same right to quality healthcare as anyone else, and you can quote me on that. Even people who are crazed stark raving berserk by the thought of a president with three vowels in his last name deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity, and shot with tranquilizer darts by game wardens and wrapped in quilts and taken to refuge.

That's right, even those lunatic Republicans deserve to be given a handout from Teh One. Even though we're all a bunch of inbred racists and don't really deserve it.

But wait, there's more. He couldn't stand to say something nice to Republicans, even in a back-handed kind of way, so he had to through in this parting shot in the end.

They're mostly about maximizing profit in the short run. They are the folks who buy a healthy company and then sink it under an enormous debt load that goes to pay them a vast profit even though the company is sinking, and the creditors get shafted.

They are the ones who are dead-set against government regulation and do not mind manufacturing hamburger patties contaminated by E. coli, and if someone becomes terribly ill from eating one -- a young woman in Minnesota almost died from a Cargill hamburger and will likely never walk again -- nonetheless Republicans remain staunchly opposed to G-men snooping around the slaughterhouse, and so I should never eat another Big Mac or Whopper or any other ground meat other than that ground from whole sirloin by a butcher as I watch. Never.

We are back to the 19th century so far as meat is concerned. This has been accomplished by those incredibly rude men who occupy first class on the airplane and elbow themselves ahead of elderly women in line as they yammer into dangly cellphones. They have nothing to do with art and even less to do with bringing up children. They are a danger to society and an embarrassment to their children. Nonetheless, if one of them falls down with a heart attack, he should be cared for, same as anyone else.

I'll pause a moment while that sinks in.

You see, Republicans want you to die. We don't care about safe food or safe drinking water or clean air or even about raising our children. All we want is to lay waste to the country, building as large a fortune as possible, screwing the little guy at every turn in search of the almighty dollar. Hell, if we're lucky the little guy will die so he can't sue us, and then we really win.

I am so fucking tired of hearing this same argument from asshole liberals like Garrison Fucking Keillor. I've heard it my entire life. Republicans don't care about children or the elderly or the environment. All we want is to fuck over the planet and everyone in it, so we can live in our mansions and spend our days counting our fortunes.

This is all such a giant load of horse shit. If you pay attention to the first quote up there, it was Keillor, your typical liberal fuckwad, that advocated the denying of health care to anyone who self identifies as a Republican. But we're the ones who want to see him die from contaminated meat.

Garrison Keillor, in two short opinion pieces, has perfectly demonstrated the sheer hypocrisy of the left. In one week he goes from advocating the death of Republicans to blaming Republicans for wanting people to die.

Congratulations Garrison Keillor. You are the new poster child for liberal hypocrisy. Maybe you and Michael Moore should consider getting a room together.

Labels: general rants, liberal hypocrisy, nanny state