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Sunday, March 4 

I'm Promoting A Calorie Neutral Lifestyle

For those of you experiencing weight problems, I have found your solution. I am going to start a new company which will sell Calorie Offsets to balance out your high calorie life.

Here's how it works:

  • You buy all the candy bars, soft drinks, and McDonald's your little heart desires

  • For every dollar you invest in junk, you send $1 to me my company.

  • My company invests that money into R&D projects as well as fitness centers and weight loss clinics.

  • The projects funded by your money will help others to reduce calorie consumption elsewhere, thus reducing your calorie footprint, or in some cases, making you completely calorie neutral.

There you have it. For a small investment, which can be automatically deducted from your checking account, I will help to reduce the calorie footprint of every American, those reducing the obesity problem we have been experiencing over the last twenty years.

Now someone please pass this on to Al Gore, because he has obviously been consuming more than his fair share of calories since having the elections stolen losing the election. It's time he did his part to promote a calorie-neutral lifestyle, and my company should be his fist investment.

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People do calorie offsets all the time. It's called exercise.

Gore consumes, and at the same time he's doing what he can to render that consumption harmless. That's not hypocrisy; it's exemplary.

It's just a lot easier to sneer than it is to engage, isn't it.

What's so easy to sneer at is that Gore travels the world to lecture us on how we need to conserve, all the while spending 10 times per month what I spend on electricity to maintain a home where he spends, what, 50 days a year? He does nothing to reduce his own consumption, he invests in a company of which he is chairman and part owner, so that he receives dividends from the offsets he is purchasing.

Yes, we all burn calorie offsets, but as my post points out, we don't pay someone else to exercise for us after we have a large meal, which what Gore is effectively doing. He wants to be able to consume as much fossil fuel as possible and ease his green guilt by then urging everyone else to conserve.

I would love to see the collective "carbon footprint" of Gore and his flock of admirers at the Academy Awards versus the average segment of the public of the same size. How many gas-guzzling SUVs and private planes are represented by that group of self-congratulatory eco-lecturers?

You love to accuse the current administration of fear mongering, but you would be hard pressed to find a bigger (both literally and figuratively) fear monger than Al Gore.

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