Frankly Speaking

In order to make it easier to identify black bears that tend to be more hostile to humans, the Alaskan Department of Fish and Wildlife is going to start dying the bears bright colors.

Officials with the Alaska Department of Fish and Game plan to color problem bears along the river bright shades of blue, yellow, orange and green, using drug-store dye.

"We'll use specific color codes to tell the bears apart and we may do two areas, such as the head and neck and also the rear, so bears can be identified coming and going," said Jeff Selinger, area wildlife biologist with the Alaska Department of Fish and Game in Soldotna, Ala.

This will also make it easier for the bears to readily identify each other and make fun of the ones who earned the colors yellow, orange and green.

"Hey Charlie, did you dye your ass yellow to make it easier for your boyfriend to find in the dark?"

This program will be followed by an exponential increase in black bears being arrested for giving wedgies, swirlies, and stealing the dyed bear's honey money.

Labels: pointless silliness